The Rain Is Us
by RelapseAndEscape
Summary: I found blue eyes. They didn't save me. Kurtbastian.


_yes. it's purposely written this way. usually, you do entries from the past to present, but this is the present to the past (i thought it would be angstier) and i always wanted to write it that way so scoot! ^_^ OKAY. yes. i'm still lazy. Shhhhhh. it's 1:12AM. i have a right to be so freakin' lazy. i'll upload stuff on that account tomorrow. maybe. no, not really. i'll just upload it here. right now. might as well :P._

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_25th December 2012_

_I found blue eyes. They didn't save me. I didn't share cookies with him. I could remember his name, I'm alone in his bedroom right now. They're no sex. He's not here. He's off to fucking college or something. Typical bastard. His bed is empty tonight as I fall asleep. His bed smells like his perfume. His perfume smells like rain. Nobody curls up to me. Nobody ever does. So I hate him… as much as I hate my Mother. Andie's wrong. I'm not supposed to marry boys with blue eyes and brown hair because they run. Every day hurts, because he's not here to be with me. Every day hurts, because love hurts, baby and I am so in love it kills me every second._

_13th November 2011_

_Most days hurt so bad. I am alone. My bed is empty. I…am empty._

_10th October 2010_

_Most days hurt. I am alone. Andie's gone off to college. Daddy hates me because he finds me having sex with blue-eyed brown-haired men all of the time. Go figure. They're gorgeous though, because they make me feel complete. For just that one moment, then I wake up and the bed's empty. Where did I go wrong? It's raining outside and it smells like dreams of London and Paris and all of that shit that I don't give a damn about anymore. It hurts so bad…all the time._

_2nd September 2009_

_It's my birthday. My Father sends me ten caterers to make my cake, and dress me in the best clothes ever. Daddy Dearest doesn't show up. I fuck the chef. Rough sex doesn't hurt anymore. Sometimes, I have days where I want to explode. Sometimes, I feel wanted. I'm lonely tonight. There are no blue eyes to save me._

_3rd August 2008_

_Sex is delicious. They tell me I'm pretty, and have the prettiest eyes they've ever seen. All lies. Sometimes, the days are happy. Sometimes, I have days where I just curl up on my side and want the world to end just so I can stop feeling so damn depressed. The only thing I want is someone to curl up around me and be there, but no one ever does, and I just hurt worse._

_16th July 2007_

_I had sex today. He had blue eyes. His hair isn't brown in the light. I'm tired and I feel unwanted. Every day's a day to feel unwanted, but I'm happy – somehow, somehow, I still hope._

_5h June 2006_

_They're talking about sex. We're just eleven. I don't know what sex is really. It's cold here. It's very cold. It's raining outside. It reminds me of Mother. I hate my Mother. Every day is a day to feel the coldness, and I can feel her all the time. I don't want to feel her. She makes me feel so freakin' useless. Not every day's a happy pretty day._

_27th May 2005_

_I had cookies with him today. He likes cookies a lot. He's my friend with the really long name. I offend him when I don't pronounce it right. He teaches me how to kiss. I am happy. Every day is a happy day._

_15th April 2004_

_I'm cold. I made a friend today. I don't remember his name. He has a really long one that I can't remember. He looks nice. I want to be with him. He has blue eyes and brown hair, like Andie told me I'd marry. I want to marry him. Daddy says that I'm supposed to marry girls. But he looks really pretty. He can be a girl. We play pretend all the time. I am very happy all of the time. Every day is a happy day._

_22nd March 2003_

_It's raining outside. I like the rain. It smells nice. It smells like Mommy's perfume. Mommy's dead now. Many days are happy days because people love me. Andie holds me a lot. Daddy holds me a lot. I am safe. I am happy most days but then I get sad because Mommy isn't here anymore to hold me like they are._

_19th February 2002_

_My sister, Andrea, is being awfully mean and ate all of my chocolate. I don't like her anymore. Andie likes Tobey McGuire a lot. Andie says that maybe one day when I marry my own blue-eyed brown-haired boy that I will get to eat his chocolate if I want. Most days are happy days._

_29th January 2001_

_I am Sebastian Smythe. I am six years old. Every day is a happy day._

Sebastian Smythe grabs onto the bedside. It smells like Chanel number five and the scent of rain hits his nose harder than ever before. Sebastian opens his eyes and Kurt Hummel's drunk off champagne and starts eating a box of chocolate Sebastian has to mourn himself with and he eats it all. His kisses are drenched with chocolate, rain and tears. They have sex. It's good. Sebastian watches Kurt leaves. He is empty and alone. When he wakes up, he finds Kurt beside him, curling up to him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He is not alone anymore. He is not empty. He has Kurt beside him and he snorts to himself, when he sees Kurt's hot-pink satin eye-mask on top of his eyes. Typical diva Hummel. _But he looks really pretty. He can be a girl. We play pretend all the time. I am very happy all of the time. Every day is a happy day._

Sebastian Smythe wants to marry a boy with blue eyes and brown hair so he can steal his chocolate and be happy every day.


End file.
